February 2011

In February, my thoughts naturally drift to love -- love of family, friends, and self. Yes, I said self. Some people equate loving yourself with arrogance and selfishness, but in my mind, you can't truly love and care for others if you don't accept, love, and care for yourself first. I'm reminded of this every time I'm on an airplane and hear the flight attendant say to put your oxygen mask on before helping other people to put on their masks. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? How can you care for others if you are gasping for air? It's the same situation when you are on the ground. You can't effectively love, care, and provide for the people you love unless you are strong and healthy -- physically, mentally, and spiritually. When it comes to your health, it's OK, actually better than OK, to put yourself first.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha

February is American Heart Month. Did you know that cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death in the U.S.? This is the case for women as well as men. In fact, women account for nearly 50% of heart disease deaths. And, heart disease kills more women than all forms of cancer combined. If you want to learn more about the risk factors and what you can do to get heart healthy, go to this page on the CDC website: http://www.cdc.gov/Features/HeartMonth. And don't forget to love yourself this month and every month.

Know Thyself

How well do you know yourself? What are your strengths and talents? What about your quirks and foibles? When you truly know and accept yourself as you are, you are on the path to self-love.

"I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others."
-- Jennifer Louden

One of the best ways to get to know yourself better is to take a personality assessment. If you are among the first 5 people to schedule a complimentary consultation with me via my online scheduling tool, you'll receive a Myers-Briggs Type Inventory assessment at no cost (a $175 value). I look forward to helping you discover, accept, and love yourself.

Love the One You're With

Do you remember the story of Narcissus, the young boy who, upon seeing his reflection in a clear fountain with water like silver, fell hopelessly in love with himself? Unable to tear his gaze away from his reflection, he pined away and died. Unfortunately, the myth of Narcissus is often our concept of self-love. We believe that if we love ourselves, we are selfish and self-centered, that falling in love with self means conceit and self-absorption.

Actually, the opposite is true. Self-love is an honoring of the self that requires a high degree of independence and courage. The love we give others will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves. In fact, loving yourself is a prerequisite to loving unconditionally.

A lack of self-love is a sign of low self-esteem or self-worth and shows its face in many possible ways: a refusal to enjoy life, workaholism, perfectionism, procrastination, guilt, and shame. Those who lack self-love avoid commitments, stay in destructive relationships, and fail to experience true intimacy with anyone. They practice negative self-talk, compare themselves with others, compete with others, caretake others and fail to take care of themselves. Unlike Narcissus, when they look in a mirror, they turn away.

The primary difference in those who practice self-love and those who don't is their belief about themselves. "Of all the judgments that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgment touches the very center of our existence," said Nathaniel Branden in his book on self-esteem, Honoring the Self.

Unable to love ourselves, we are our own harshest critics, fault finders, nay-sayers and naggers. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can do to me what I have not already done to myself." And just the opposite is true, too. We can be our own heroes, nurturers, lovers and champions. Acting from authentic self-love, people are gentle, attentive and kind to themselves. They develop their gifts and talents and live according to the values and standards they have set for themselves. Theirs is a beauty that shines from within; they laugh readily and are at ease in the world. Theirs is not a conceit, but a sureness of self. And, that sureness of self is like a powerful magnet that draws others to you.

"To honor the self," Branden said, "is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and exploring our distinctively human potentialities."

Wherever you go, there you are, so honor and love the one you're with.

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications