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“Normal” Is a Very Big Playing Field Harold likes to take his drum to the park, where he wails and beats on it in solitude. Susan talks to her grandmother’s ghost. Jamie has 60 potted plants around her house—all in purple pots. Is there something wrong with these people? Are they normal? Most of us live with an internal struggle. Each of us yearns to be different, special, an individual. At the same time, we don’t want to lean too far out of the tree—we also want to fit in, be accepted…be normal. But what does it mean to be normal? Even experts struggle with the word; medical textbooks use words such as “usual” and “not ill” and “conforming to a cultural norm.” However, what is usual to one group of people—tattooing, to give one example—may be completely weird and repulsive to another group. Does that make it normal or abnormal? The real danger comes in labels—the ones we put on each other and the ones we call ourselves. People who don’t fit in are often labeled as abnormal or different, and that stigma can eat into their feelings of self-worth and belonging. Our culture, with its narrow definitions and media depictions of the “right” way to be, doesn’t help. We harm ourselves when we agonize that something we feel, believe in, dream about or just wear on our bodies is not normal, or when we feel shame and hide things. Normal is a very big playing field and most of us fit somewhere on that field. Still, we worry about being normal. Is it normal to sleep 12 hours instead of 8? Is it normal for my 5-year-old son to dress in high heels and pink tutus? Is it normal to grieve a loved one for years? Is it normal to be happy so much of the time? Am I at a normal weight? Is it normal to want to be alone a lot? Is it normal to spend hours on the computer? Is it normal to be afraid of dogs? Is it normal to be the only person crying in a movie theater when everyone else is laughing? We limit ourselves when we try to fit ourselves into a box labeled “normal.” It can be an awfully unimaginative, stifling, boring place to be. In trying to be normal or to fit in, we may shut down those parts of us that define who we really are. So, take a deep breath, and know that you may be different, you may even be a little strange in some areas—but most likely, you are as “normal” as the rest of us.
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