Serendipity: Bouncing Back and Then Forward

In 1976 I was wrongly fired from my very first professional job. I had limited knowledge or experience in dealing with adversity. A mentor helped me work through this adversity and to learn valuable lessons about the world and myself. Ultimately what I realized was that I was more functional than the administrator or the Board of Directors who dismissed me, and I didn’t want to work with people that were so unethical.

The capacity to “Bounce Back” from adversity is an extremely valuable and even life-saving skill. The ability to “Bounce Back and Then Forward” is a life-thriving skill; this is the ability to be serendipitous.

A dictionary definition of Serendipity is “the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.” In the movie “Serendipity”, Kate Beckinsale’s character gives the definition as, “a fortunate accident.” I am using serendipity to mean the experience of responding to adversity with the natural gift or developed ability for making valuable discoveries and decisions, and gaining desirable benefits. Sometimes these benefits just present themselves, sometimes you will have to look for them and sometimes you will have to create them out of a maze of issues, problems and concerns.

The word serendipity came from an old Persian fairy tale called The Three Princes of Serendip. The story goes that a Persian King banished his three adult sons as a therapeutic exercise. As their Highnesses traveled, they turned difficult situations into beneficial ones by their deductive reasoning. Their cleverness caused another Persian King to accuse them of stealing a camel. Only after the camel was found did the king spare their lives, lavish them with riches and appoint them to be advisors.

Here are three components of a serendipitous style applied to my situation where I was wrongfully fired:

• Emotional and social intelligences are the abilities to deal with your own emotions, and the emotions and behaviors of others. Even though I was shocked and hurt, I needed to deal with the situation and attempt to find a solution.

• Deductive reasoning is the ability to connect one fact with another. When my boss was attempting to have the Board of Directors fire me for no honest reason, it became obvious she had significant issues that would make it impossible for me to trust her.

• Personal vision is the ability to look at reality and see a vision of the future. In my case this meant that, even if I were offered my job back, I would not accept it.

Resilient people:

• Are realistically optimistic

• Believe they can control or at least influence events.

• Feel deeply committed to their activities.

• View change as an exciting challenge.

Serendipitous people:

• Act resiliently

• Use sagacity (fine-tuned perception, intuition and judgment)

• Look for the positives and the lessons

You have serendipity when something negative and unexpected happens and:

• You use your abilities and resources

• You discover a beneficial outcome

Serendipity as an advanced resilient ability can be developed through practice. It is a decision to stay conscious or mindful, because the negative aspects are likely to be obvious, and positives need to be searched for. Pull the focus on your mental video camera back far enough to see the total experience and where it can go, rather than staying focused on the negative details.

In his book, The Survivor Personality, Al Siebert states, “Life’s best survivors…go from being emotionally upset to coping to thriving to serendipity with amazing speed.” He offers these basic guidelines:

• Learn to welcome adversity: Adversity can bring out your deepest strengths.

• Laugh or cry: Let go of strong emotions and gain emotional balance.

• Ask survival/coping questions: Solution questions like “What will serve me?”

• Be playful and curious: Lighten up, by creative, look at things differently.

• Ask serendipity questions: What’s good about this? Where’s the opportunity?

• Take action: Try anything that might benefit you.

You can develop your serendipitous abilities through practice. Decide and set up a structure for your success, prior to your needing it in a crisis. What can you do right now, to set yourself up for making this happen? Write yourself a contract to start this process by  (date), or set a time to talk about starting this with a friend or call a coach and make an appointment.

Serendipity is not just positive thinking; it is positive being and positive acting. It is a decision to seek out the desirable aspects of all situations, even the most negative ones. It is also not about ignoring the negative. Even today, thinking about being fired, brings up a minor amount of negative feelings. Yet, what I choose to focus on and be grateful for is the knowledge, my emotional growth and my improved ability to handle a future adversity.

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