Take Time to Rejuvenate
by Elizabeth Savino

“A woman must come of age herself. She must find her true center alone. She must become whole.”
~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

As a middle-aged woman and single mother of two teenage daughters, I am keenly aware of the hectic pace life can place before us on many days. Between work, activity schedules, school work, everyday household chores, the drama of teenage girls’ lives, keeping up with two dogs, maintaining relationships with the significant people in my life, and all of the other day-to-day responsibilities that I face each morning when I wake up at 5:30 AM, I will be the first to admit, sometimes when the conditions are right, a perfect storm can occur. These are days when life stressors all seem to hit at once and my body’s overload switch begins to scream, “ENOUGH!” Times like these are taxing to my body and soul and also to those around me who feel as though they are not quite getting what they need from me despite my futile attempts to please everyone and meet the needs of others, often at the expense of my own.

Thankfully, though I have made mistakes in my life, I have managed to correct some of the errors of my past to ensure greater happiness for my future. One lesson I have only recently learned is the need for self-care, self-nurturing and rejuvenation.Throughout my life, I have been encouraged by friends and family to be more gentle with myself, listen to my body more, rest more, and to stop pushing myself so hard. Though I know their intentions are with my best interest at heart, I have often found such suggestions to be annoying, as complying with them seems as though it would require me to stop living with the zest I live my daily life with. I am, in fact, proud of this overachieving natural enthusiasm I have for life. I enjoy taking on new challenges with the belief that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Though I am petite in stature, I have lived with the belief that I am a warrior––always thinking, “I can do that!”

However, I must admit that, at times, my body clearly agrees with the masses and rebels against my zest for life by feeling fatigued and burned out. At times, the combination of the physical demands I expect my body to endure with triathlon or marathon training, the emotional stress I am sometimes under post divorce, and the responsibilities I have to care for my children, are just too much for even the “mighty me” to handle.

In my past, rather than taking time out to look at what was happening in my life to cause my body to feel so depleted, I would try to push through the obvious signals my body was sending to me. I would work harder, sleep less, and try to fit even more into less time. Inevitably, more times than not, such a plan was a recipe for the dreaded “burn out.” In such times, I would become almost sad and depressed, with a sense I had been defeated by life. And anyone who knows me knows that being defeated does not sit well with me.

Given that I am an avid reader with an insatiable need to know why, I usually turn to books for knowledge to help me understand and correct my life struggles. Most recently, during a period of foreseen burnout, I came across a book written by Joan Anderson entitle, A Weekend To Change Your Life. Thankfully, this book gave me insight and awareness of how to take time out to retreat and rejuvenate on a regular basis so I no longer reached the breaking point of overload.

Joan used her own life experience as a woman to write a book to help other women learn how to take timeout, to be still and hear their own voices within themselves and then guide them in having an understanding of what they need to nurture themselves. She teaches that we must take time out of our day-to-day lives for retreats. She believes that it is in the quiet of solitude that one may learn what in her life is working, what is not, what is sacred and therefore important, and what is irrelevant. In this state of soul-searching, you can gain a comfortable spot in your own existence.

In addition to offering women’s retreats in Cape Cod, Joan Anderson advises us to create our own personal retreats that are made up of what she refers to as the six Rs- retreat, retrieve, repair, regroup, regenerate, and return.

1. Retreat:  “Selfhood begins by walking away”

Take time out to get away to find yourself. To do so, you must make arrangements to have some quiet time to yourself. The length of this time will depend on the support you have to fill your spot while you are away. A retreat can be as little as a few hours to several days, weeks or months. A retreat offers a form of pause, a precious space in which one can see their world in a different light.

2. Retrieve: “Put yourself back together piece by piece”

Take some time to reflect on the hardships you have overcome and how you have endured the roadblocks, obstacles, and challenges throughout your life. By understanding and then pulling from your natural strengths, you can begin to tap into these abilities as you plan your future. We are all so very unique with our own individual and precious gifts. By taking time to recall what gifts we have we can use them to fuel us as we make changes in our future.

3. Repair: “Turn up the silence, turn down the voices”

This is the point where one must spiral inward to find your own individual center. When you allow yourself to be truly alone, without other people limiting your thoughts, feelings, and responses, unexpected insights and desires spring into light and take hold. This alone time is an opportunity to seize what we discover as no one else is there to stop you. This is a time to evaluate the load you carry with you throughout your life. Perhaps there are relationships, obligations, organizations, and the like that are no longer serving you well. This is a time to make a commitment to get rid of this unnecessary baggage before you enter into your new future. Imagine that you are throwing these burdens off of an imaginary cliff. They are no longer with you and you may now walk forward with lighter feet.

4. Regroup: “Surrender everyone else’s expectations”

During the rebuilding face one may be fueled with a determination to make changes in their future. To protect the newfound determination, new boundaries must be devised. In moving into the future and keeping centered in yourself, you must surrender other’s expectations of them in order to live true to your own needs. In listening to and honoring what this is, you become your own personal coach. As women, we often surrender our own needs to the wishes of others almost instinctively. Now it is time to attend to our own requests as well. This allows for a balance of giving to others and also giving to ourselves which ultimately brings about inner peace and satisfaction.

5. Regenerate: “Gather yourself and sponsor yourself”

This is the time when a new journey begins. After spending some time to collect your thoughts and plan for a change in your future, it is now time to move forward and actually implement your new plans. In doing so, so many positive and empowering changes will come. Keep in mind that one can only become something great by ceasing to be something old. A shift will now occur, altering the direction and patterns of what was by being replaced with a new plan of action to create what will be.

6. Return: “Decide to be new in an old place”

As you return to your world, be focused on the commitments you have made to implement in your new way of living. Others around you may notice a difference in you based on what they see. The more you challenge yourself, the less concerned you will be on the judgments of others. As you continue along your new road that you have created, others will see your new commitment to the new path you have created as you are now in motion and there is no stopping you!

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